Perry + Campbell = You Do the Maths

Midway through Bruce Campbell/Luke Perry month, and things are well.  This month has not been nearly as bad as we had all worried it would be.  Still bad, very very bad…but not nearly as unenjoyable as we had foreseen. This week it was the exciting conclusion of Supernova and a delightful little Bruce Campbell movie involving airports, aliens and convicts.  We submit for your approval, Supernova part 2, and Terminal Invasion.

Supernova part 2

Person Responsible: David & Ally.

Now, before jumping into the plot of the second part of this movie…I would like to pose a question?  Why is St. Louis always the first to be destroyed?  This is not the first or even second movie in which St. Louis is the first to go.  Maybe they hate the people?  Maybe the arch just looks dramatic being blown apart.  Who knows?  All I know is that if the sun is going to explode, there is a robotic uprising or a black hole….the gateway to the west is not an ideal place to be.

Now, as far as the plot for part 2.  We start with a government agent helping Luke Perry escape from the underground facility.  You remember the underground failsafe facility that houses all the smart and attractive people in the US in case of just such an emergency.  Well, he escapes, and now they are on the run from the government and from solar flares that are now raining down on the landscape.

All the while, Peter Fonda is hanging out on a secluded beach waiting for the world to end.  He found a little bar and a little bar tender, and they fall madly in love over the course of the next two days.  How could this happen so quickly?  Well, first off, Peter Fonda has a sweet dolphin tattoo on his shoulder.  And second, the fact that there is never any other customer at this beach side bar.  So, they have plenty of alone time…until a solar flare comes raining down on their little cottage.  Beautiful.

Back to the Perry.  After stealing a car, they drive aimlessly through the desert while Luke Perry whines about not being able to figure out an equation.  “I wish Shepherd wasn’t so friggin’ smart and I wasn’t so stupid.”  That’s an excellent wish Luke Perry, don’t give up the dream.

So, they run out of gas and are left trying to fix a car in the middle of the night.  Ya, they ran out of gas, and they are trying to fix the car.  That’s when the rave-mobile drives up.  The rave-mobile is what appears to be a flatbed truck covered in Christmas lights, with a love seat in the back.  Also, it is just full to the brim with stoned drunk ravers on their way to an end of the world party.  So what does an on the lamb government official do when the see a very musical vehicle coming their way?  Pull her gun…just in case…you never know, they may be dangerous.

In a large derailment from the plot, Perry and his government gal pal get carted to this celebration of impending doom.  How to describe the party….dancing?  Check!  Alcohol?  Check!  Bad music?  Check!  Dirtbikes?  Check…?  Shrine to the forthcoming destruction of the world.  Check…?  What a great party!

After stealing another car, finally they make their way back to Perry’s lab so they can look for answers.  Well, the gangs all here.  His boss, the awkward reporter, the random scientists that have scurried around for the last three hours but never had a line.  They all collectively look for a flaw in the original formula…and they find it.  What does that mean?  It means that there will be no supernova.  Hey rioters and people undoubtedly committing suicide due to the utter destruction of the world…..Just Kidding!  What a croc.  Here are a few favorite moments:

1. No religious references throughout the whole movie…and then one random Revelations reference out of nowhere.
2. Bodies in trash bags…not even body bags…trash bags.
3. During the riots, there seemed to be a reoccurring theme:  If someone was on fire….he needs to be kicked.
4. The reporter that had been fighting and risking her career all movie to “get the truth out at whatever cost”, has a sudden change of conscience.  And I mean sudden.
5. Oh…the serial killer/rapist or whatever he is.  Man, he steals, kills his own “partner” and doesn’t even utter a word.  He is just so crazy!  He is so out of his mind that he just commits crimes all the time.  Of course he is surrounded by people beating each other and looting, so his utter insanity is perhaps lost in the mix.
6. The solar diarrhea.  I know, I know, it was in last week’s list…but it’s just so weird looking, that it warrants another mention.
7. The serial killer drops to all fours and runs around like a primate for a short time.
8. Luke Perry’s mouth acting wife who is tormented by the killer, all the sudden turns vigilante and guns him down on the deck.  And gets very angry at the gun that she used.  Gives the gun an awful look and throws it into the pond.
9. After the news is broken that there is no supernova, it starts to rain.  Everyone is so happy.  Dancing in the streets, laughing.  Even the patients of a make shift outside clinic are happy.  Are they excited about the terrible infection that this acid rain will be no doubt causing in there newly amputated limbs? …we may never know.

10. And if the entire thing was a miscalculation and the sun is not in fact going to blow up and destroy the earth…then where did all of those solar flares that decimated the earth come from?

That’s all I really care to write about this movie.  It was goofy, it was bad, and it was slightly entertaining at points.  And beware the drinking game.  Drink every time Luke Perry’s wife makes some strange facial expression to further explain her feelings.  It is not a good idea.  I’ll just say that I am very thankful that Steve brought extra.

I leave you with a little equation of my own:   Supernova part 1 + Supernova part 2 =not good.

In the immortal words of the main scientist “You do the maths.”

Overall Rating for Pt. 2:

 

 

2 out of 5 Bruce Campbells

 

 

Terminal Invasion

Person Responsible: Steve Brought it. David picked it.

We start off with Bruce Campbell in the back of a squad car.  Wait, Bruce is a convict?  Well, the officer driving the car crashes and they are now stuck wailing through a blizzard to the nearest building.  This building just so happens to be an airport that is housing a handful of frustrated passengers.   This blizzard has not only grounded all air traffic and made driving almost impossible…but it has also knocked out any kind of communication.  How convenient.

The officers and Bruce show up and there is immediate tension due to the convicted felon now present.  The action starts in the bathroom, that’s right, in the bathroom.  Bruce unmasks an alien due to his keen criminal knowledge of the details of religion.  The alien kills both of the officers before Bruce bashes his head in with a fire extinguisher.  Bruce then takes over the airport in order to escape the authorities that have not been called due to the blizzard.

Over the next hour and a half, there is a power struggle back and forth between Bruce and the self proclaimed “alpha female.”   The power changes hands back and forth throughout most of the movie until a mutual trust is found.  Oh ya, and of course they are finding out random members of the passengers are aliens.  Honestly, it’s almost a side story to the pissing contest between Bruce Campbell and the “alpha female.”

Now this movie had some special dialogue.  Most of the movie was completely predictable.  From what happened to what was said, there were very few surprises.  One of those few however, was a black man named Darien.  Darien practically oozed stereotype.  His speech, his slang, his cloths, the way he walked, his attitude and his name.  So awesome.  Best character of the movie.  And he ended up being the head alien.   Quite startling.

Now, this wasn’t so much a bad movie as it was just not a good movie.  It was like watching wings with a convict and aliens.  Here are some fun facts:

1. All of the action was shot and then sped up on screen, creating that night fast forward effect.
2. The line uttered by the businessman, “Can I have a pee?”
3. Darien refusing to believe that there are aliens and using evaporating bullets as the explanation for why the alien body evaporated after being shot.
4. Darien again refusing to believe that there are aliens.  This time he talks about technology that he knows we could have.  He knows all about area 51.  So, he used area 51 in his rant to discredit the possibility that it might be aliens.
5. Married couple argues all the time.  They have a sentimental moment and the husband says, “When we argue, it’s the only time we feel real.”   What?
6. The head alien (Darien), gets attacked by Bruce Campbell.  He hits him with a big wrench, and another big wrench, and a big pipe, and a tire iron.  None of them do a thing to him.  But then, he gets chopped up by the wooden propeller.
7. Shameless self promotion.  It is a SciFi channel original movie.  And there is dialogue about the SciFi channel in the movie.
8. An alien disguised as a woman got shot in the chest.  Where? You might ask.  So did we.  The bullet hole and blood didn’t appear for another two minutes.

This was another bad Bruce Campbell movie that was actually quite entertaining.  It was a very very poorly written (by 3 people) movie.  But it was just stupid enough to be enjoyable.

Overall Rating:

4 out of 5 Bruce Campbells

Let’s have some of our quotes from the night:

1. David “Cheese and Jesus?  Cheesus?”
2. Steve “Ally, we need your boobs for an experiment.”
3. Steve “I have fritos stuck in my teeth, and it’s excellent.”
4. Ally “That’s what I use MY airduct for.”
5. David  “So…pushing and screaming.  Good for having a baby and for avoiding aliens.”

So, all in all, a good third week to Bruce/Luke month.  Next week there will be a bit of a change and we are very excited about it.  I’m not gonna tell, because I am very good at keeping secrets.  Until next week…

Thanks for listening chiiiiiildreeeen!!!!